Lyrics from “Defying Gravity”
…I’m through accepting limits‘Cause someone says they’re soSome things I cannot change, but ’til I try, I’ll never knowToo long I’ve been afraid ofLosing love, I guess I’ve lostWell, if that’s love, it comes at much too high a cost…
No, I have not seen the “Wicked” movie yet, but being a musical theater kid I of course know all of the tunes. Who doesn’t want to Defy Gravity!? Who doesn’t dream of flying?
I have been thinking a lot lately about different ways in which life sets limits on us and how we can chose to defy those limits. In fact, the movie, “Wicked” is a perfect example.
I wanted to go see the movie as soon as it hit the theaters. In fact, I wanted to make it an Occasion. I told you; I am musical theater nerd! I wanted to make it the dinner -in- the- theater sort of experience, and I planned to dress up in green for Elphaba. Yep, I identify with the green girl that is a little weird!
But none of that happened. It wasn’t realistic. I haven’t been in a movie theater since the pandemic. Going to a movie theater, packed with people and eating and drinking next to them is a recipe for getting sick. I really cannot do it and feel smart about it. Talk about setting limits and being reminded of things I’ve lost! I really wanted to just ignore reality, leap and go.
I almost did.
But then I remembered there is no Wizard. And I am not a real witch. And I cannot fly everywhere I wish to go. I am quite literally grounded.
But I can fly with my mind. (I know that sounds strange.)
I can let my spirit fly. I can soar with music.
I just have defy my own gravity. And by that I mean feeling trapped by my own frailties. It isn’t always easy. I often feel tired and defeated. This happens even when I am not suffering through a particularly bad patch, like I did last year with all of the pneumonia, etc.
I don’t like to talk about it but every day is a bit of a struggle with fatigue and pills and insurance, and doctors and insurance,etc. and it gets very old.
But I can choose to defy my feelings of being limited just because my body is trying to make it so. I can make my life have meaning and I can fight the fatigue and the depression it sometimes brings by giving of myself to others and standing outside of my own needs, lest I become too inwardly focused.
And I can always remember that there is a power greater than myself that I believe connects each and every one of us in the universe into a whole. I find great comfort in that because it means that no matter how small and inconsequential and alone I feel: I am actually not alone. For me, that connection, G-d, reminds me that who and what we are is so much more than these frail shells we walk around in.
Maybe, one day… I can defy gravity.
Maybe, one day… I will fly.
But until then, I will: write my, sing my, love my, walk my way away from everything that brings me down.