So, today is the day. I am officially another year older. As my dear friend and beloved mentor used to say, “It beats the alternative.”
She made it to 71 despite all of her health problems.
I am keeping her advice in mind today. The last thing I want to have is a pity party for myself. But I do have to admit to being a bit downy in the dumpsies.
At this point, after nine hospitalizations in six months, four surgeries and four removals of surgical doo-hickeys, I am still not well: That makes me want to curl up and just sleep until it is over.
I can’t do that, obviously. Besides, I have another avenue to explore with yet another team of doctors. This is what they mean when ‘they’ talk about not giving up.
The next stop: Katie’s liver. It seems that all this pain and ill health may not be my pancreas at all. Maybe it is my liver, slowly giving way to my immune system’s melt down. I won’t list the symptoms, here. Let’s just say, it’s not nice.
I have one doctor who seems determined to keep looking into this and is going to refer me to another teaching hospital. This week I have been gathering tests and evidence and my own research into the problem. He called me on a Sunday, (nice guy!) and told me to fax it all to him tomorrow so he can look at it and see what our next step should be.
I really, really appreciate that. But I also know not to hope for too much.
Where is God in all of this?
Frankly, Scarlet, I don’t know.
I have faith that there is a God but I don’t think that God is really into helping me out just now. I have to walk this road alone to wherever it leads.
I could really use some super natural strength because I am completely out of my own kind. But, there is no choice but to put one swollen foot in front of the other.
Again, a depressing blog.
I feel badly about that but I just cannot do any better.
There are bright spots. I love my family and the new dog and lots and lots of things. I got to drive a new CRV today ( a loaner while my van is back in the shop) and I really, really liked it,
I am such a car freak!.
So maybe I will hit the open road and drive until I am out of gas. That is a pretty apt metaphor for my life just now.
Just drive…….